College has been everything I expected but not.

I haven't really made like the girlie friends on the floor who are always in each others rooms. I guess I'm just not girlie enough?

I've met Stacy, a girl that is just like me in almost every sense. Never thought I would find someone like that.

Never thought I'd party.. and actually enjoy it!

Thought I'd have to work hard... yupp.

Never thought I'd have to work THIS hard just to get a B!!! And actually be satisfied!!

Didn't realize how much sleep meant to me.

Still can't believe that I have the motivation, organization skills, and time management skills to get work done for 15 solid credits, plus work 20 hours a week, and still have time to do lots of stuff with my friends.

Life is passing by so quickly now!!

Never thought I'd be single. And be happy that way. And break up with a jerk. Wow.

Things have changed.

Can't wait to see whats next :-)

By the way, Memories Past has like 4 songs up that completely stomp you in the face. Plus they've been getting shows, having a group booking for them, and may be signed soon. So listen. I love them.

http://www.myspace.com/memoriespastmusic

Wow. So my friend Ted has been in three bands over the 4 years that I have known him. Now to hear a song that his drummer dave *boyfriend!* has edited and that they all performed? amazing. Please, let me introduce you to MEMORIES PAST, a band based out of Wellsboro, Pennsylvania. They are currently working on their first album, and have just posted a new song complete with vocals on their MySpace. Add them, add me, leave them comments and love, as you do to me!!!

http://www.myspace.com/memoriespastmusic

thanks guys! <3 <3

I have never in my life felt so much hatred, and yet been hurting so much as the same time.

Don't keep "finding" shit to give back to me, just so you can show up and bitch at me some more. Yeah, it may make you feel like shit, but you did a lot of shitty things as well and now I've got the balls to actually tell you and not let you trample me anymore. Fuck that. Yeah, I may be making decisions that you don't like, but you don't control my life anymore. You shouldn't have controlled it in the first place. I control my life now. I've gotta make my own mistakes and learn who I am.

And don't tell me how much you hate people. Especially my boyfriend. Don't you ever fucking dare to ANYONE go as far as to say that when you see them, you want to slit their throat. That both scares and angers me. You don't say shit like that. I don't care how much you hate someone, you don't say shit like that.

Whatever, now I have a paper to write. As much as it hurts because I did care about you and I did put all that effort in our relationship, we aren't fit for each other and I honestly have never felt so much anger toward someone before. I don't need you in my life. I'm just fine without you.

It's so hard when you don't know what to do.

Your boyfriend says something that really pisses off one of your friends. You agree with his reasons for disliking this friend, but don't want to see them hurt. It's an awkward position to be in. And I'd rather stay out of it...

Your ex just... either is like i miss you, i miss you, or.. he's like I just want to be with this other girl. And you're done dealing with it. You will always miss him a little because of how long you were together, but sometimes you have to let things go...

I just really don't know which way to go right now. A lot of different situations have come up and it's so hard to know what to do. There's no right answer to anything anymore.

Guess this is what growing up is. Why was I in such a hurry to get here?!!!!

I guess I really don't know what I think about a lot of things, but I suppose I shall know by the end of this entry as I sort out my thoughts.

So many things running through my head. Being back in the dorms is weird. Our floor is so much quieter this semester. For now, anyway. Ask me about that again at the end of the semester and I may not be telling you the same thing.

It's weird without having Kim here, althought I do enjoy having more space. I'm not sure if I mentioned this earlier, but she decided to move out, and the housing department placed her at the other end of the hall. I'm not sure where we stand friendship-wise right now, but we really didn't talk by the end of the semester, and for no apparent reason. From the sounds of it, there's a lot going on inside of her and it's really affecting everyone around her. I hope the best for her and that she finds some happiness, or peace with whatever is going on.

The room is still as hot as ever. I'm roasting in here right now. At least I can run around in my underwear now (it's that hot!) and no one will see!

And it's weird having friends stay the night. I have a place for them to stay now. I think Dave and Ted will be here a lot. Hopefully anyway!!

Speaking of Dave and Tedward... They are currently working on recording a CD with their band, Memories Past. I'm hoping for the best, and that this will open the door to a lot of opportunities for them, especially since they've put so much work into recording. I don't really see much of Dave right now because of it, but I know this CD means a lot to him.

Back to the room. I'm actually getting a lot more work done this semester, and I don't feel as stressed out. Yes, I still either feel like doing work, or dont, but I'm able to actually think and work on things when I have the urge to, and I don't feel behind. I feel right on track, if not a little ahead of things. I have post-its everywhere. Yes, I had a 3.1 here last semester.. my first real semester, and I had 17 credits... but I feel like I can do better, and plan to this semester.

I will hopefully be purchasing a TV soon too. My first HUGE purchase ever, pretty much! Haha... I'm thinking about getting a TV that has a DVD player built right into it. Any suggestions as to what TVs like this would serve the purpose? I'm looking for affordable for a college student, and one that will last. Around a 20 inch screen as well.

Things with my ex have been interesting. I feel like I talk to him moer than anyone else, and I really don't feel like this is a good thing. I need my space. We aren't together, and I'm really happy with the relationship that I am in now with Dave. I'd rather not jeopordize that. But it's hard because I confided in my ex for over 3 years, and there's a solid friendship there still. I don't want to cut it off, but I feel like he's the friend on campus that I'm always with, and people are asking me about it. It's not good, not at all. Having a friendship? Yes, that's great. But this is too close of a friendship with an ex. It's really difficult to deal with. I really would rather not just... cut him off, but where do you draw the line?

I dont know.. leave me some love.  Add me as a friend. Whatever. I still haven't figured out how to do that, by the way...